NADIAH :)

Thursday, November 10, 2011 Thursday, November 10, 2011

Ryan "Mickey" Mclean .

Boy oh Boy ! Why arent all the Chefs look like him?! Or at least the chefs in USS pretty please . I'll be the most faithful employee if you hire him in USS . Hahaha. He's like omgly sexy . Mickeyyyy! Pleaseee be The Bachelor on season 18 . aaahh~

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So we won the match yesterday with a score of 6-2 . It was the game to win . Like die die ,we hafta to win . And we did .

But something have been weighing on my mind eversince I woke up on the match day . I was thinking to myself , till when I wana priotise football? I am not getting any younger , and I think I am not getting any better at football . It's like I am at that stage that I cant improve myself anymore .

For the first time in my life , I have never felt that I wasnt myself at all . My mind and heart was so heavy . I am just so worried about something and I cant fugure out what it was . It was so bad that I felt like breaking down .

I just feel like it's time to do something . Which is to stop playing football, or maybe stop playing football competitively. It's time . It's time to get myself a proper job , work my ass off , save money and lead life the way it's supposed to be. As of now, I feel like a failure in life , I seriously think so . I am not contributing anything to my family , financial wise . Seriously what the hell am I doing now? I dont wana depend on the family for my expenses , and I managed to do that . But that's just not enough .

However , i just couldnt see myself getting out of the team . I am beginning to love the team . I really do .

I am just feeling so crazy right now . So crazyy that at this point of time I feel like consulting a counsellor . I am just so fcuked up.

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Today's 10/11/2011 . It's Mom's birthday .

It's been almost two years since she left . And I still find myself crying to sleep at night . I just miss her so bad . So so freaking bad .

Everytime I recalled the day she left , the whole drama that I went through when I received the news , I felt devastated .

When she was stil around , I wasnt a good daugther at all . Sometimes we dont talked to each other . Few times . And each time ,it would dragged as long as a YEAR .

I LOVE YOU MUM . AND I MISS YOU SO FREAKING BAD . HAPPYBIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH .